bye...

Dear Palangga,

Today, you left to go home to your family for a week. I dont quite know what to do for a whole week without talking to you. Na discover pa jud nako na you are building a house na d i.  Sakit kaau lang... I thought we will build a house for us, but the house you are building is for them d i. you really have no plans of leaving her. sakit kaau...

Oh God I hope I can forget him. each day hurts more and more. and the sad thing is, he does not love me anymore :(

iloveyou...
S

You shouted at me...

Sometimes, I can't take your attitude.  You suddenly shout at me for no reason. Dayon moingon ka na ako una nagtaas ug boses.  Dili na ko kasabot nimo oi. You keep looking for mistakes in me. Sakit baya kaayo langga, kay ako pirmi ang mosabot sa imong moods, ako pa and dautan.

I do not know if makaya nako na na batasan nimo.  You were never like that before.  After 5 years, your worst attitudes keep on surprising me. But then I keep excusing you because I love you...

You know what, everyday, I keep on praying na unta walaon ni Lord ang sakit sa akong heart. Because everyday that I love you hurts me, everyday! And tanga ra kaau ko kay dli jud ko mo let go.  I am hurting inside yet I continue loving you.  Unya e accuse ko nimo asa akong unconditional love? Kulang pa ba na?

Wala nay nabilin sa ako lang, nahatag na nako tanan sa imo... you are so lucky, i seldom love a person, yet sa imo, gi sacrifice nako tanan tanan. As i have always told you, if you are in doubt of my love, when you die, ask God. Because He is the witness of my unconditional love for you.

I hope someday, the girl you will love will love you back as much as i love you now. kay sa akong opinion, rare ra kaau akong nahatag na love nimo. Because I did not ask something in return. I just give and give and accept the hurt that came with it.

God, thank you for being here, thank you for listening to me when i have no one to talk to. Bless V Oh God and keep him safe always, AMEN.

iloveyoulang...
S

barbeque

when a person goes out of his way to bring you food, does that mean that he loves you? tonight, i called you to ask if you still had the instant noodles i packed you before. i am hungry and was not able to go to the mess hall because i dont wanna see many people. you insulted me by saying what kind of a mess hall is it if there are no people? i wa hurt and dropped the call. i called to ask for sympathy and to be make lambing to but i was just insulted by your pilosopo answer. 

after 10 minutes you called and asked me to go outside for just a while, i hesitated and asked you to just knock on my door. when you did, i opened the door and there you are holding a plastic full of food. apparently, for the last 10 minutes that i felt hurt that you insulted me, you went out the camp and bought me my favorite barbeque. i was so touched and felt that even though how much you resent me, deep inside you, you still love me. 

all i feel is panghihinayang because time is not with us. soon, i will go away to chase my dreams and i know that by chasing my dreaams, i am letting you go. i told you that it is all over, that i have to move on and find my hapiness from someone. But deep inside and honestly, my true hapiness is with you, and still, i will wait for you till i die.

iloveyou so much palangga... it never changed. time might have change your feelings for me but i still love you. and i will always will for as long as i can remember you.

so long and till we meet again at the right time...

love, S

Pictures. Memories.

Tonight, while waiting for my shift to end, I organized the pictures from Brawny. I terribly missed him. Looking at the pictures, at our past, I felt happy. I wish to bring back that happiness. Only him made, makes and will make me so happy. I pray to God that we will live together forever. I wish to marry him one day. I love to spend the rest of my life with him. If this is obsession, it is a beautiful one, because I have learned to love, cry, give and wait.

Palangga, you taught me patience, care, understanding and unconditional love. You might not feel the same way about me anymore, but I still love you, forever, until eternity. I can feel that you will leave me soon, contrary to your promises, I don't know what to do then. I hope that God will be with me. 

Lang, wherever destiny brings you, you can always come back to me and I will willingly accept you. I've surrendered in this battle because I cannot force you to choose me. I am happy with your success, but i would be happiest if I am behind you in it. Sometimes, I am still wishing for a happy ending for us, but with it is the hurt that you chose someone else over me.

iloveyou... so much...

S.

I never thought of creating a blog about this until now. Beforehand, I have written letters, e-mails, notes and messages, kept in my planners, cellphones and computer. It hurts that the person whom I wrote these letters to, never had the chance to read them.

This time, I will let serendipity and destiny take its role. I will wait for the time that in this world wide web, among billions of websites, our love will bring him to this blog.

Palangga, iloveyou... so much... forever... endlessly...

S.